saying your name

I think of you when I masturbate, Even though our skinny love ended in 2020 and You’re not mine anymore. I think of you when I’m feeling down because you were my island, my floater. You influence me even when you’re not near me. Your positivity infects me. You make me crave for something I’ve…

there’s a crack in the fixture

casually suicidal wiping the dust off my wrist checking my pulse nearing my neck if life was fixed and you were too would you still feel the way i do? there was fatigue of hundreds of days within me and one fine day, this man tells me- i promise you’ll be fine in 6weeks my…

confused by change

confused by change; gutpunched by kindness. that’s how i feel about my parents after family therapy. my shrink tells me he sees significant change in me, no more the depressed child with a knotted brain. my medicines did increase, but my mind is free. but somewhere is a creeping discomfort, am i allowed to trust…

X bestfriend

So some of my closest friends are from school, and for the longest time, I believed we were close enough for me to come out to them. I wasn’t as close with my college mates though. One night, back when I was 20, i was giddily hiding in my hostel bathroom, because i finally stopped…

i cut people out of my life easily.

as if as an automatic daily reminder, i always check if i have anything to lose if i have to lose you; and 9 times out of 10, the answer is no. the only thing holding us together is my love for you. if my love turns null and void so do we.

penalty

i’ve been feeling miserable lately. i feel abandoned. i feel like i am reaping what i sow. i am so hell bent on being alone and untouched that i hurt everyone and feel no remorse. but all those times i am reminded that my parents did a horrible job of raising me, i think they…

my parents gave me 2 cells and a prison

i hoped to never be like you when i grow up but now that i’m an adult, i feel shattered i hoped to never remain tame and quiet like my mum because i knew i never wanted to be taken advantage of and i hoped to never be loud and irritable like my dad because…

break, bitch

sometimes i torment someone and try my hardest to make them hate me; sometimes unintentionally but mostly consciously. i will repeatedly break their heart and make them walk on eggshells around me. once the abused, now the abuser i hope they hate me. it sickens me when they don’t abandon me because i don’t want…

when i met you in the summer

whenever i’m with you, i’d always hope it was summer, where the days are longer, because I know your mother wanted you home before it got darker.

the threshold of my tears

nowadays, if i go over 65% intensity of any of my emotions, i cry. so i stop myself at 64 and let the tears return to the back of my eyeballs.

a july 26th 6:43pm rant

today i got a call from my father. he needed some details for insurance. so for some god-awful reason, he decided to call me…one of his spawn children. why couldn’t he call my brother? he doesn’t hate our father as much i do. i really wanted to let the call go to missed call…but idiotically…