Deprive

No school,

No money,

No job,

No security,

No future,

No roof,

No food,

No history,

This is what it means

To be destitute,

To be deprived of the things

Normal people attribute.

Musical Doubts

Sigh. I need to stop daydreaming about him and get back to what I was doing.

So I collect the wasted pages and put them in the trash can, but one bounces out and lands on the floor. It’s half opened and I read some of the words, just enough to pique my interest. I hate going through someone’s private things but I can’t help it this time. I pick it up and open it quickly. They’re lyrics and guitar chords. They read-

She sits there with her blue guitar,

Her legs crossed & her hair falling nicely apart,

And her big big blue eyes brings life back to my Earth.

I want to touch those lips of hers,

No more silence, maybe just the two of us,

Make her feel right in our home of ours pearls.

My eyes feasts from the top of her head,

And my soul nourishes till the tips of her feet,

Her single word resonates with my heart beat.

But…I own a blue guitar. And I always sit cross legged on my bed. And I never comb my hair when I’m at home and I own blue eyes…Can he really be writing about me? Or is there another girl in his life with the same description? Or is this just not about anyone in particular? Just another crazy coincidence, maybe? But the important question is,

Do I want it to be about some one else?

Mermaid

The darkness basks in your beauty,

As you wait for me at night,

High atop your boulder,

Signalling me at sight.

I swim away from the island,

And reach you through the screaming waves,

Your kisses heal my injuries,

And your love is what I crave.

When I leave you,

You create tears of salt,

Burning both your eyes,

And my heart.

I hate that I love this forbidden relationship,

But the seriousness of my love begins to start,

No matter the distance between us,

Under the sea or above the stars.

I pray to Poseidon to give me lungs,

So that I may be one with my sweetheart,

But the God, so cruel, made me age sooner,

Jealousy’s punishment split us apart.

On my last day of life, I told her,

“Wait for me my love, I won’t leave ya’,”

So I pass to the underworld and meet Hades,

“Nice to meet ya'”

Hades asks me why I’ve requested his audience,

And I say,

“I know something that will piss off your brother,”

He smiles, pleased by what my lips convey.

“Poseidon loves my lover

And has separated us both,

Please bring us together,

Oh Mighty Lord.”

He smiles and brings back my health,

Sends me home to my loved one,

I am now,

Part fish with scales.

As promised, I go back to my realm,

To my love and deep away from him.

A mermaid and her merman,

Under the curse of a protective spell.

Rent a Heart

Saying that our forever lasts for few months,

‘Cuz you leave this place in my heart,

But please don’t vacate just yet,

You forgot to pay my rent.

I deserve someone better,

But it’s you that I want,

What I need comes second,

Right from the start.

You leave me like I’m trash,

You poison me like a rat,

My rent is your heart,

There’s no escaping from that.

Life as I know it

At the Velankanni train station, I waited on the dismal bench next to my brother, surrounded by our bags. My parents had gone to buy some tea and it was just me and my brother against the world. Like it usually was.

After freaking out every time a person or worse, a child, ran past us, I held onto my back pack close to my body. As time passed on a beggar woman came up to us. She asked for some money and I felt the change in my pocket get heavier. I lied saying we had no money and went back to looking to my mobile game.

She later latched her eyes onto the fruits we bought in our bags and asked us for some of that. Fearing she would keep asking for more, I refused again. My heart getting heavier as time goes on…

Go Fuck Yourself

You tell me to have fun and to be free,

But you only want me to do it according your creed.

You are a grown up with no mental stability,

It’s true, I’ve seen it, and you need a new mentality.

Everything you say makes me want to hit a wall,

Especially when you drink and justify it all.

You bring out your vices in front of your wife and children,

And you act like the world doesn’t see it, oh aren’t I smitten.

No one likes you and frankly I have doubted my love for you,

Time and time again, Christmas time was especially memorable, woohoo.

Why do you believe everything you do and everything you say is right?

Did you forget that you’re human? Did you forget the Lord’s might?

You need to backtrack and stop counting your coins,

Look at your family and look at you ‘friends’, Do you see my point?

You hate being told what to do,

Maybe, surely, your ego is too big for you.

Even your parents fear you and your brothers are scared to do the right thing,

They just blabber and then you dismiss everything.

If forcing me to stand next to your drinking buddies makes you happy,

Then maybe next time, you won’t ever see me.

Sayonara compadre, I don’t think I’ll ever be this bold,

And I hope you go fuck yourself, for the good of us all.

Stuck

There is this sadness

Lingering in my soul

For I can’t be with you

And I’ll regret it, alone.

I think about you everyday

And my throat is knotted

Like my heart is hurting for you,

And I fear he spots it.

You don’t leave and

I can’t move

But this love that we have

Is killing me too soon.

He hates you and

He lusts for me

And he has power

Greater than our reality.

I love you but

My loyalty lies with him

For he has my son

And I can’t live without him.

But we fight each day

To gain back what’s mine

You and my son

My dignity my right.

Fake Atheist : Random Memories #1

Today in my time of lonely introspection, I wondered if I handled the issue about a friend come out as an atheist in the right way. I absolutely went berserk that day when she started gloating about this new change in her. And I couldn’t even look at her when she started bashing something that is very close to my heart – my God.

Coffee

There were days when I couldn’t live without coffee,

And there were days I detested the beverage.

The much awaited first taste meant I was going to be an adult,

But I realized that it was not for me, it was too bitter, like the men around me.

Forlorn and bitter, the day came when I would start enjoying it,

Nothing a little sugar, milk and hatred couldn’t fix.

Alas the taste lingered and turned into something evil,

Just like my feelings, I fell apart with no where to start.

Everywhere I went, I saw people enjoying variations of the bean,

Chocolates, cold coffees, cakes and fake yellow smiles.

No one fucking cares about us, but we mask it with this addiction,

To let everyone know that we are just as bitter as the coffee but just as arousing.

The black liquid looks back at me with a grin,

This tempestuous relationship needs to end,

No amount of sex and temporary happiness can save this relation,

So I cut the addiction at the bud,

And get on with my sad miserable life without the life inducing placebo drug.

Disney’s Alice: The Murderous Intent

“The White Rabbit thinks it’s time for me to leave,

And Caterpillar makes me smoke his pipe,

The Cheshire cat tries to eat me,

And the Dormouse wants me to die.

The White Queen is quite mad and asks me to slit her wrist in the evening,

But I refuse every single time,

She then calls her Red sister and asks her to murder her in her sleep,

And I stop her blood-thirsty sibling every night.

Lastly what made me want to leave this world was the Mad Hatter’s betrayal,

He says he loves me and the next he tries to stab me,

I can’t run away from this brute,

Whatever the offers of tea and coffee,

He says he was cursed to kill whatever he’s loved,

And hence, here he is with one eye of murder and one eye of lust,

I run and run but they catch up to me,

And so I overdose myself with some upelkuchen and some pishsalver and leave…”