there’s a crack in the fixture

casually suicidal wiping the dust off my wrist checking my pulse nearing my neck if life was fixed and you were too would you still feel the way i do? there was fatigue of hundreds of days within me and one fine day, this man tells me- i promise you’ll be fine in 6weeks my…

confused by change

confused by change; gutpunched by kindness. that’s how i feel about my parents after family therapy. my shrink tells me he sees significant change in me, no more the depressed child with a knotted brain. my medicines did increase, but my mind is free. but somewhere is a creeping discomfort, am i allowed to trust…

the day i smelled of death

don’t let the smell of candy and roses fool you it is simply to mask the smell of death emanating from my mind and body the stench of death would have given away my true cover but i will douse myself in essential oils and oud so that you will never know what a dead…

when did u stop fearing ghosts?

when i realised the ghosts i feared most were in me all along. my ghost couldn’t be seen couldn’t be heard couldn’t be muffled and played like a broken record in my head to let loose and unscrew my head and slice my skin.

who do u attribute your success to?

me. and my raw desire to leave the treasure trove of pain that was my family’s heirloom passed down from generation to generation. i did not want it to be passed down to me. i refused to accept that fate. i left so that my successors and equals would not have to accept that forced…

eternally mortal

How deceptive the clouds and the light… How deceptive the reflection laying flat on the still water… How deceptive our minds and the Gods it creates… How deceptive our bodies and the souls it holds… Our mortal lives flawed with the promises of immortality Our future is exactly that – Something we cannot see but…

Oxygen

When i breath I do so heavily To fill my lungs with air Hoping it will burst Because sadness takes over And my heart cannot feel heavier My nose kicks the grief tinged air out of my system Cleansing my insides Making my heart feel lighter But on coming tears choke my throat And i…

Mirror

I’m staring at the bathroom mirror Begging it to be more clearer But all it does is blur in fear of The reflection of my face.

Lie

I lie on my bed I lie in my head I lie with my tongue I lie with a gun I lie to myself That no one will ever find The murderer of truth Lying within me.

I’m a little scared

When you’ve done everything you could possibly ever do When you’ve come to the point of letting go When you’ve got to depend on an entity called God That’s when I’m a little scared.

When I Think…

When I think, I drink from a pessimistic glass of water,

I think about all the blessings and all the happiness I’ve been surrounded by,

And wonder how my soul doesn’t absorb any of it,

How my mind is cluttered with the fear of enjoying it.

Miss me, please.

If I run away from my home,

Will anyone miss me?

Will anyone notice?

Will anyone care?

Is this my legacy?

Such is my fear.

I don’t want you to find me,

Just wait for me to come back home,

A man enlightened.